Awkwardly Babbling

Disclaimer: This post has no point, it’s just me rambling. If you read this, great – but I certainly won’t blame you for skipping. I wrote this more for myself, because I’m feeling anxious and need to slow my mind down a bit.

I know that I should be writing Part III of my (lets be honest) awful and dry series of describing the reservation I grew up on, but true to my nature I procrastinate on things I feel “obligated” to do – even if it was my own idea. This procrastination is furthered by the fact that I know the first 4 posts have been awful. I’m sure the next 2 will be just as dry, sadly. I’m hoping the last post will plop out of my head a little better since it will be based on my own personal experiences and memories.

This post? This post is about jack-diddly I’m just typing as my mind pitter-patters along to see what happens. I suppose you can call it “free typing”. Kind of like free writing where you just close your eyes and start writing whatever comes to mind. But I’m not trying to be psychic, and I’m not “writing”.

I’m sitting here at work, and I really should be, well you know, working? But I’ve been having a hard time with that lately. There was a regime change, and now that I have this super-awesome boss who is not micromanaging me harder than the media beats a dead horse, I’m kind of floundering. I have plenty to do, but I don’t feel compelled to rush my projects and cram as much work on them in as I can, like I used to. I used to work like this because my former boss would be calling, e-mailing, and g-chatting me every 10 minutes to justify, explain, defend, or seek out information on what I did, what my decisions were, why one of my employees did or didn’t do something, etc.

I wonder if this nation, or this world, would be any different if the news programs made “good news” the focal point of their programming, and downplayed all of the “bad news”. I think that current events to do with war, disease, crime, etc. are certainly important to report – but does it need to be the focal point? The human brain is chemically wired to respond to acts of kindness and goodness by wanting to do more of it. Meaning, that happy and/or teary feeling you get when you see a video of someone doing something all super-awesome-humanitarian like? When you feel that way, doesn’t it make you at least in part thing “I should get more involved and do something like that”?

Well, that’s not coincidence, that’s a chemical reaction. The more good we see done, or that we do ourselves, the more we want to do good. So in theory, if the News headlined good news and only briefly summarized the bad stuff – Do you think our nation would be less hateful, more accepting, and more charitable?  Maybe so, the mind is a powerful thing.

Manipulation of the mind is the majority of what keeps this society of ours separated and herded with the Government and Big Money agendas – like scared, hateful little sheep.

Poor sheep, why do they get such a bad name? Comparing someone to a sheep always has a negative connotation, and it’s not like the sheep’s ever done anything bad. I like sheep, even if they do stink pretty awfully when there’s a big farm of them. Not as bad as pigs though, good LORD there is nothing worst smelling than a pig pen or a pig farm. Pigs eat pretty much garbage, so what they poop out is even worse.

Speaking of pooping things out, I’m getting pretty frustrated at the huge dumps my brain keeps wanting to make. I used to feel like I was a great writer. I used to be able to sit down with the notion of writing about a certain topic, and able to keep myself on route from point “A” to point “B”. I was capable of linear and concise thought that provided perfect and related pit-stops along the way from “A” to “B”. Anymore, when I try to write something that isn’t pushed out by my spur-of-the-moment-better-write-it-all-down-without-thinking-or-you’ll-ruin-it creativity, It’s like my mind is a drunk hummingbird and I’m trying to force it to fly in a straight line instead of zigzagging, wobbling, and darting to 12 different flowers (thoughts) at once.

Bah! It’s almost like I start to feel frantic when I’m writing, like I had better hurry and cover all of the topics RIGHT NOW, or they’ll slip between my fingers and float down the drain like when you hold shampoo in your hand a bit too long. In general, I don’t feel like my mind is as sharp as it used to be, not by a long shot. This makes me worry, after watching my grandma be slowly eaten away by Vascular Dementia for 7 years, I can’t help but wonder if this, like many things, is genetic, and I’ll be in that same boat. Is this the beginning of it?

Common early signs of widespread small vessel disease include impaired planning and judgment; uncontrolled laughing and crying; declining ability to pay attention; impaired function in social situations; and difficulty finding the right words.

Yep, the internet is not your friend, it can convince you that you have anything. If I thought I had testicular cancer (I’m a woman, btw), I could probably find “proof” online that I did.

Well, this is starting to go down a dark path, so I’m just going to end this blog here. If you read this dumpster fire, no point, brain dump. The least I can do is reward you with a couple of things I find hilarious:

Jurassic Park – Cat Brain-freeze Parody




10 thoughts on “Awkwardly Babbling

  1. I think this post is proof that you’re a clever and engaging writer! I don’t think writing has to be polished to be meaningful! That said, there’s nothing wrong with writing furiously to get all of the ideas out of your brain, then editing the **** out of it later… but I’ve enjoyed everything you’ve written so far! (And I’ll stop gushing now…)


    1. Lol! It’s funny, because every time I hear/see “You shall not pass!” It makes me think of this silly little MS Paint “drawing” I made as a joke for a co-worker a few years ago. It’s your typical little kid drawing – 2 hills with flowers, a stream, a tree, and a house. But then, standing under the tree is a stick figure Wizard with a staff saying “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” I’ve kept it saved on my desktop and send it to him every now and again when the opportunity arises.

      In seriousness, I do sometimes wonder what’s going on with my brain, why I can’t seem to organize my thoughts anymore. It’s affected my verbal communication as well. I find myself rambling and or trying to push everything out of my face in a frenzied stream of speech – almost like I’m afraid someone will silence me at any second.. It’s rather odd.

      Liked by 1 person

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