Awkward Babble and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

I woke up with a painful and stiff lower back, after tossing and turning all night. When trying to put on my gym shorts I tripped over one of the leg holes. I put both my shirt and my socks on inside out. By this time I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Photo Credit: buzzfeed.com

I didn’t have time to eat breakfast, and on the way to work the cars ahead of me skipped by each light and I got stuck at the red. I think I’ll move to Australia. But I don’t really want to live in Australia because there are more deadly and venomous creatures there than humans; so I think I’ll move to Western Europe instead.

 

When I got to work, it had started raining. The black Dodge had the one parking spot near the door, the yellow Chevrolet had the other. The Prius, Toyota, Hyundai, and Ford had the others. “I’m going to get wet, my glasses will get streaky, my shoes will get squishy.” I mumbled to myself.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At work my employee liked their own ideas of how to do things better than they liked the direction I gave them. When I told them they didn’t have all the information, they argued. When I told them one was supposed to handle the issue and not the other, they objected.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because my boss said I needed to do something I did last week. He said I needed to worry about apples and kumquats when I was asking him about bananas.

“I hope you sit on a tack” I thought to myself. “I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice cream cone, the ice cream part falls off the cone part and it lands in Western Europe.” I harrumphed.

At lunch the avocado on my sandwich had gone brown and icky and my lettuce had gone limp. I went to sit outside and got attacked by sugar ants that are creating a home under our stone table and benches.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That’s what it was because that afternoon I got a headache, and my eyes started getting blurry.

Photo Credit: Albino Black Sheep

“Next week”, I said, “I’m going to Western Europe.”

On my way from work a cop made an illegal u-turn for no apparent reason, which caused the guy ahead of me to slam on his breaks even though he had the green light, and I came 3″ from rear ending him.  I cursed and yelled at the cop as I soon later passed him, while he waited to turn in to 5 Guys for a burger.

While I was cursing and glaring at him, he turned and looked at me, and I questioned my lack of wisdom.

“I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” I mouthed through the window at him, I don’t think he cared.

So then I went to DSW to buy myself a new pair of shoes. They had the patent leather pointy toed wedges, they had the patent leather open toed wedges, but I wanted the patent leather square toed wedges; they were out. I had to buy patent leather square toe flats, but I won’t wear them.

After I bought my shoes I went to pick up a friend to give her a ride home. She told me where to park, but I forgot. I ended up boxed in a no parking area, facing the wrong way. I could not get out and others could not get in. I thought I was driving in Western Europe.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

When I got home I realized that all I had was left overs for dinner, they weren’t very good left overs.

There was nothing to watch on Netflix, I hate when there’s nothing to watch on Netflix.

Getting ready for bed I tripped on my flip flops, got my arm stuck in my shirt, and tore my favorite night shirt. I had to wear an old t-shirt to bed, I hate that old t-shirt.

When I got in bed my pillow was lumpy, my covers were tangly, and the air conditioner wasn’t cold enough. My cat started caterwauling outside my door.

It’s been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I guess some days are like that, even in Western Europe.

 

 

Adult rendition of Judith Viorst’s “Alexander and the Teribble, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”